Man who ‘bonked’ Zimbabwe’s first lady tries to commit suicide

A Zimbabwean man tried to commit suicide all because he kept dreaming he was bonking the first lady of the country, Grace Mugabe.

Sibusiso Moyo**(not his real name) of Masvingo is reported to have attempted to kill himself by hanging. However, the rope he was using could not hold his weight, plunging him to the ground. When questioned as to why he wanted to kill himself, an embarrassed Sibusiso said he was tormented by wet dreams he has been having everyday for over a fortnight. Sibusiso further stated that he was scared of the nightmares and could not see the purpose of living anymore. “I would rather die that to bonk the woman who has made life hell for Zimbabweans”, he said.

When LiveMonitor crew arrived in Masvingo, Sibusiso was nursing injuries on his neck and said he would not do it again. He said he would rather go and see a prophet for spiritual cleansing. “Since I started having these dreams, my manhood has become weak and flaccid. I cant even satisfy my girl anymore.”

Livemonitor implored him to describe the dream in detail and he said every night, Mrs Mugabe sneaks into his bedroom and sits on top of him. “She then starts gyrating on my member. I always try to push her away but I get weak.” Sbu said adding that he always wakes up sweating and out of breath with his pants wet from his seed.

A local prophet promised to help the man in exchange for a goat and 2 chickens.

Source :LiveMonitor Satire

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